Gen Z, I Got You

Why I love you crazy, freaky kids

I’m one of those cranky Gen Xers that has been known to kvetch about Gen Z. I’ve complained about your fragility, your disregard for mentorship (you don’t need advice, you can just google it apparently), your inability to provide good service in expensive restaurants, etc.,.. etc,... Today, all that changed because I had an epiphany.

Like many epiphanies, it started with something small. I was walking my dog down the street and a few young people, presumably Gen Z, were walking towards me. One of them smiled and said, “Hey little man” to my dog and continued on his way.

I realized in that moment that most days, when I walk with my 12-pound, anxiety-riddled dog down the busy streets of Manhattan, more times than not a young person smiles a little sadly at my clearly miserable dog, who is darting around and shaking, and says pretty much exactly those words: “Hey little man.”

For some reason I’ll try to figure out later, I teared up. I felt my heart expand a little bit as if it had previously been clenched tight like a fist. Words came into my mind, and I said them aloud to myself, almost to try them on for size, “Gen Z, I love you crazy, freaky kids.”

That thought was followed almost immediately by the thought that Gen Z very much wouldn’t want me to call people crazy - because that’s hurtful and stigmatizing. And calling them freaks - also concerning, although some people do self-identify as freaks, and that’s ok.

And there it was. That’s why I love you - for the reasons that used to drive me (yes I’ll say it) crazy.

We oldsters have pegged Gen Z as fragile, screen-addled, emotionally stunted, and psychologically broken. Your mental health is in the gutter, you don’t know what gender you are, you expect everything to be handed to you, and you’re too scared to do a job interview without your mommy.

I searched for a image using “Gen Z.” ALL the pictures had you holding phones or selfie sticks. This one didn’t. Sweet.

From clarity.pk

Yes, these are the stories we spread about you. But the truth is that you’re not broken machines. You’re highly capable, attuned humans. You’re careful, meaning full of care. And many of you are exceptionally kind. You want others to feel good. You love the sharing economy - clothes, bikes, cars, houses, you name it. You love or at least appreciate waving your freak flags - seeking to be whomever and whatever you might truly be - and support others in doing so. No judgement. I know a dozen kids who are pansexual because they don’t want anyone - cis, straight, gay, bi, trans, queer and beyond - to feel they’re not lovable. You’re also scrappy. You might be overwhelmed on a daily basis, but more times than not, you get on with it and do something amazing. We don’t like you being “sensitive” because it reminds us that we’ve spent much of our lives steamrolling over other people’s feelings. You scare us and make us feel guilty.

In other words, we cranky oldsters are the bullies in every 80’s movie about high school. “Loser” we say, “Poser!” We have completely forgotten that we used to value being freaks and geeks. Gen Z is what Gen X was supposed to be: authentic, indie, and world-weary. Gen X, the super cool Blank Generation, just couldn’t wait to sell out - although we remain uncomfortable with liking money. We struck poses of apathy and sang “No Future” but we were liars, because we still believed that we had a future, we just wanted to grouse about it for a while first.

But you, Gen Z, you’re not so sure you have a future. That’s because we - WE - have handed you a world with an economically, environmentally, and socially precarious future and you have to care about it if you’re going to get through. But while you’re contending with all that, we oldsters are telling you just how bad you have it and that you’re probably not up to the task.

But I don’t believe it anymore. Smartphones and digital tech haven’t destroyed you - although you really need to stop phubbing me so much - you’re missing the best parts! And grammar. It’s really important to learn grammar. But just because you annoy us sometimes doesn’t mean you’re lost or broken. If anyone is, we are. We’ve really messed things up. And you’re just finding your way through.

Luckily, you have time and you are figuring all this out. Because yes, as sensitive humans, you have a great radar for bullshit and condescension. You know we’re shaking our tiny fists at you as all older generations do. You have the benefit of understanding nuance and emotional granularity, and you’ve been taught that emotions - while sometimes scary for you - are good to express. Another piece of evidence that digital hasn’t destroyed you - how could you be so attuned and tuned in if all of you were just screen zombies?

But as you’ll tell us yourself, it is truly hard to manage digital plus IRL when you’re a growing human. You can’t escape the hot, blinding spotlight of social media. Figuring out your identify is doubly hard when you’ve been taught to be a brand with metrics of success, and it sensitized you to social comparison and how awkward face-to-face social interactions can be. Sometimes, just avoiding IRL is simpler. But let’s be real - we let you grow up on screens, didn’t we? We fed you to the wolves.

I’ll close with, because I’m an oldie, some thoughts for you to chew on. It’s advice-ish, bust mostly ideas for you to consider:

1. Do not fear suffering. You need it to figure out the dilemmas of being human. It’s like the Buddhist parable of the two arrows: the first arrow is the initial pain of suffering. it’s brief and always passes. The second arrow is the pain we feel about our suffering. That’s the real bugaboo - our fear, anger, despair, or terror about our suffering. That’s the one that endures and causes us problems in our life.

2. Debate is good. This is where I tell you: don’t cancel culture yada yada….ideas don’t cause harm yada yada…..but it’s true. But if you don’t take part in discussions that can shed light on detestable ideas so they can be debated in the court of ideas and public opinion, those bad ideas will win. Silencing them won’t work.

3. Show us what you can do. Try things. Don’t wait for permission. While it’s good to remember that anyone can learn a lot from older people, and just other people in general, you see the world differently. You see things that are wrong in ways we’re not even aware of. You point to injustices and broken systems and say, this is the water we’re swimming in and it’s poisoning us. And we say, “what the hell is water?” (thanks David Foster Wallace).

Take my advice. Or don’t. You’re going to figure it out. As perfectly expressed in one of my favorite Gen Z-isms “I got you.” You say it on the street, at work, in schools, restaurants, stores, trains, planes, and automobiles. Mostly sweet, sometimes overkill. But you got me. Today I decided that I got you, too.